Do you ever feel like you cannot do anything right? That you aren't good at anything you try to do? Feelings of failure have been plaguing me lately. I am lacking confidence in my abilites and seem to constantly be second-guessing what I once thought I was good at.
My most important roles are being challenged:
My most important role, that of a child of God. Have I been reading my bible? No. Have I been going to church? Not the last couple of weeks. Have I prayed and given praise to the Lord? Not nearly as much as I should be. Do I love and worship Him and realize He is the Light of this world?? Absolutely!!
My role as a wife to an amazing husband. Have I been supportive in this career change for him? Not really. Have I respected the job he does for us as a family? Not consistently. Have I shown him I love him and am so happy we share this life together? Not always. Do I love this man for the wonderful dad and husband he is and the huge support he is to me?? More then my words can say!!
My role as a mommy to 3 boys and our newest 6 week old baby girl. Have I shown then love, patience, kindness? Not consistently. Have I taken the time to dive into them and make each of them feel special? Not lately. Have questions like "how am I going to handle having 4 kids?" or "how is THIS fun?" ran through my head over the past couple of weeks? Unfortunately. Do I love each one of these little monkeys more then I can write about? YES...I am so thankful for each one of them and that God sees me fit to be a mom to them and raise them with my wonderful husband. But this thought is not the first thing that plays in my mind.
I have many other roles that are important too...the role of a daughter, sister, and friend. And my first question is "have I done well in those relationships? Have I held up my end of the relationship??" Not consistently once again.
I feel a whole lot of inconsistencies as we adapt to some big changes. A career change for Wes, our new blessing of a baby girl being born, and being a mom to 4 kids.
As I read a devotion that came across my email this morning (what divine timing) it states "in our times of trial, Satan comes to us bringing lies 'You are surrounded and you will never get out', 'You're a failure otherwise you wouldn't be going through this', 'There is something wrong with you and God is sorely displeased.' "
"Hezekiah had very nearly fallen for the enemy's trick. The fact is if we don't stand up to Satan's lies - if in our hour of crisis, we don't turn to faith and prayer, if we don't draw strength from God's promises of deliverance - the devil will zero in on our faith wavering faith and intensify his attacks." (The bible tells us that God supernaturally delivered Hezekiah and Judah.)
And so, today I am reminded that as believers we stand on a promise and the shed blood of Jesus Christ. We can have victory over every sin, temptation, and battle that we will ever face.
So today I cry out to the Lord: please deliver me from these thoughts from the enemy and instill the fruits of the spirit on me and in the many roles I play. Fill me with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Give me the energy to dive into your word everyday...to read and to understand and to know that my time with You is more important then any other time spent. I want You at the forefront of my thoughts, giving You the praise and the glory for the privledge to raise our children and I long to do that in a way that is pleasing to you. Fill me with joy to do the jobs You want me to do. I know you are such a mighty and loving God and I am so very thankful.
magic | captured : a mini book workshop
8 years ago
3 comments:
Oh Shauna, I can so relate to what you're talking about. I will be praying for you!
Here's a little something you may not know...depression, when caused by hormone shifts (such as after childbirth), generally looks more like irritability, impatience, and anger more than sadness. Given that you've just birthed your fourth child and your family is going through some big changes, you should watch carefully for signs of depression. When my depression gets rough, I become short-tempered and impatient with the kids, I take everything Pat says or does as a personal affront, and I feel completely unable to tend to daily tasks (such as laundry, meals, etc.).
I just want to encourage you, too, to not allow the enemy to condemn you for these struggles. It is HARD to read your Bible daily when you've got a new babe and are short on rest. The best tip that was given to me when I had a new baby was this - take one verse, write it on an index card, and carry it around. Then read and meditate on that verse when I had a moment (such as in the bathroom, at a red light). God can speak just as clearly in one small verse as He does when we spend an hour reading our Bible.
You are loved and are a blessing. And you are a GREAT mother, wife, and friend. It's okay to have a season where you need to lean on others a little more than usual. Your friends will feel blessed to be trusted to help you, pray for you, and cheer you on.
xoxoxo
Shauna,
I can hear you, too. Just as we chatted about the other night. I wish there was some easy answer I could provide, but you are doing everything right. YOu are a fantastic mother, wife and of course friend, and we are all so blessed that you are in our lives. Be encouraged, my friend, you will fight off the enemy, and all in due time you will see positives that will come from it again.
We all need to be challenged, in order to see our blessings, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will come out on top after this period, and more prepared for the next one that comes your way.
We are all here for you- call anytime, write anytime, visit anytime!! (hint hint!!) :)
Love you tons, and I hope you are feeling stronger in the coming days :)
G
Just blog hopping and landed here... God views you the same way you view your children... pure LOVE... imperfect, but made perfect through Him. We are humans bound by human tendencies while on earth... isn't it good to know His love is not dependent on what we say or do or don't say or do but simply on who we are in Him! Blessings and prayers for you today :)
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