Monday, August 25, 2008

A Season?

Good morning. It has been a while since I posted....I know. I have been struggling with what to write about. Then I went to church. I really needed to go to church yesterday, I had missed the last 2 Sundays and I was sooo needing that spiritual fill to keep me going. It is like my gas (not that KIND of gas silly) that keeps my motor running. I often wish there was church service more then once a week, just to get me through. So..yesterday at the service there was a baptism following the worship which I thought was sooo cool. Our church usually has baptism services where a bunch of people are baptized, so this one was unique. I was excited to be a witness to this, without even knowing this young lady that was declaring that Jesus is her Lord! The testimony of this lady was incredible with her experiencing God talking directly to her in the middle of the wilderness and one could sense her total reliance on Him. God told her to be baptized and here she was...doing obedient....not waiting for the next service but listening and acting NOW! I found myself a bit envious how she seemed so in tune with God and seemed to have minimal distractions to allow that relationship with Him to form and build. I found myself asking "when do I have time to really listen to God like that with everything that goes on in my life, all my different roles as wife, mom, daughter, friend, and on and on.

Over the past few days I have also been struggling with what God wants me to do be doing right now. There are things that I would love to be doing (photography for one as a little business) but is that what He wants me to do? What about our boys and my role as a mom and wife? How do I be a good friend to others when I have all this on my plate? How do I be a good servant when I dont' clearly know what I should be doing? Part of me is saying that I need to put my selfish wants aside (scrapbooking, photography business) and be a MOM first and foremost to our boys and a wife to the man I love with all my being. But first I need to love my Lord and He is the one that often gets put on the back burner because He does not seem as real at times over a two year old that is throwing a tantrum or a puppy that just peed on the rug. I want Him to be my priority and there is soooo much I want to learn. So much I want to learn about being a good mom, a good wife...the list goes on and on. There are times when I wish osmosis worked and I could strap on a book to my body and be filled with knowledge I am seeking...crazy I know. You should see the number of books I buy and never read, but REALLY want to. My husband and I talk that this is season in what God has in store for our lives and maybe one day I can be a Beth Moore like I dream about.
Well there are mouths to feed and little boys to dress as I sign off. I am very excited to celebrate our oldest son's 9th birthday today! Wow how fast they grow. I am so excited that he knows the Lord and has the opportunity to grow with Him as he grows and matures.