Happy birthday to our dear sweet baby boy! Our littlest guy (so far) turns 2 year old today! All I can think about today is how fast time goes by. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago when I was taken by ambulance to give birth to this little 31 week gestation baby. I get tears in my eyes now as I think of him when he was born, or rather how long it took me to actually open a place in my heart for him. It took me exactly 1 week to feel any kind of connection with him. I remember the Sunday I went over to my mom's and her cigarette package was sitting on the counter. On the package it had a photo of premature baby and the warning that smoking during pregnancy may cause premature birth and something about infant death. I didn't smoke when I was pregnant but all I could see was how Asher looked like that laying in the hospital up in Edmonton, still hooked up to machines to help him breathe on his own. I started crying and told my mom I had to go to Edmonton to see him. Aidan came with me in the van. I remember crying all the way to Edmonton. I didn't call the hospital that morning like I usually did, so when I got there, it broght me to more tears to see that during the night he had to go back on the ventilator to help him breathe. There are so many of these little set backs as they go through their NICU journey, but each one still makes me cry and you would think I would be prepared but I never am. So, almost the whole visit with him I cried..and almost the whole way home I cried. I don't know what it was about that day, but I remember it well because my heart was so broken because of what he was going through to survive that I finally felt something for my baby. I was mad that he had to be in the hospital. All a mom wants to do is hold, cuddle, smell, feed and love on her own little baby when they are finally out of the womb and I couldn't do that...again...for the 3rd time and I was hurt. I know there is a reason that he came early, and that God has had him under his loving protection since the minute he was conceived but I still wanted to do all those things that "normal" moms get to do. I am embarassed to admit that, but I think it is time to deal with that. Now, Asher has a most special place in my heart. I always rocked him longer, held him longer...because he was my baby and I didn't know if I would ever have a baby to do that with again so I was not going to miss out on a minute of it. I didn't get to do that with Addison because I was pregnant so soon after his birth with Asher and with all the pregnancy complications I couldn't even lift Addison and he was barely walking yet at that stage.
Wow, I had a bit to share there. Well...just so you know...how very special this little guy is and how the time flies by. I think I might just have to give him a special little mommy time in the rocking chair before bed tonight :)
We had a little birthday party for him on Sunday and spent some time with both of our families. Asher's favorite character right now is Blue's Clue as he absolutely becomes overjoyed when I put the movie on for him. It was watching that movie that he said some of his first words "go, go, go" when a train would go on the screen and "wwhhheeee" when Blue and his friends slid down a rainbow. Man, he is cute!! I wish you could have heard his little voice when Wes brought out our gift to him of a firetruck...he goes "wwoooow" and got in it right away...little sweetheart!
magic | captured : a mini book workshop
11 months ago