Wednesday, February 11, 2009

*Sigh*

I cried my make-up off in the church parking lot this morning.

I don't understand how Addison can get so OUT OF CONTROL.

I had a hard time falling back to sleep last night after Addison came into our room, anticipating that we had to be at Friendship Factor this morning (as I now sit on the committee).

Asher is sick so I kept him out of the nursery so as to not get the other kiddies sick. I kept him with me at FF and was really no help to the committee at all.

Addison pooped in his pull up in the nursery so they called me. After cleaning him up (and him refusing to go pee on the toilet) he was crying he wanted a Tim Bit (which he saw in the chapel as it was a brunch today). I told him we only get treats when we poop on the toilet. I ga e him the choice to go back and play with the kids or go home. This is how it started. I was carrying 30 lb. Asher and then Addison claims he has to pee. I became frustrated...what was I going to do with Asher while I held Addison up so he didn't "fall in" the big toilet? Help was all the way back in the Chapel and I knew Ash would cry the whole time I left him with someone anyways.

We left the church.

Addison was so out of control, he would not even sit in the stroller as I pushed Asher in it. I couldn't carry 40lb Addison while he was thrashing around and screaming while pushing the stroller.

6 ladies from another group outside the church stared at me as I pushed the double stroller with Addison screaming and half hanging out the stroller as fast as I could to the van.

I had to push down on Addison as hard as I could as he was extending his body straight so I couldn't do up his seat belt in his car seat. I can't believe his strength.

This is when the tears started flowing.

This is when I started praying.

I had no idea how to get him to stop.

It was like he was possessed by the Enemy.

I couldn't even drive I was crying so hard...I had to wait a few minutes til I got it out and the tears flowed without expression.

I wondered if someone had seen me in the parking lot what would they think.

I am at a loss right now...a loss for how to raise him....how to be a good mom...how not to be a pushover because sometimes that is easier.

I am sitting amongst a mess of a kitchen as I wonder why I even try to go out of the house at all.

Do I do this to myself?

Do I turn my kids into that?



It was lik

5 comments:

ET @ Titus2:3-5 said...

Oh, Shauna, I have been there. We all have.

First, please don't feel guilty for leaving...or for having your little man with you. Some days we can't all work, and that's okay. You are still a blessing to our committee.

Second, you are a great mom! Don't give up on yourself...I know God won't give up on you. He chose YOU to be the mother to your three boys (you know He could have just as easily chosen any woman, but he picked Shauna). You are the mom they need. And believe it or not, they are the kids you need. :)

Third, no matter how cliche it sounds, it really is a phase! And it will pass. I won't tell you you'll miss it, because seriously - it will be glorious! But one day you'll catch yourself remembering what a trying time it was, and you'll be able to thank God that it is passed.

And finally, talk to other moms you know about it. We are made stronger when we know that we're not alone. And you will get some of the best tips and pointers from other moms of strong-willed kiddos. (Like my sweet, darling, loud, aggressive, willful middle child...)

Love you.

Anonymous said...

Shauna.... I hope the rest of your day went better.

I know how frustrating this can be, and it is hard to figure out how to manage it. You are a great mom and I have learned a lot from you in regard to raising our kids.

Call me... we can chat more about this... soon! Don't give up my friend, God will help you through this!

Hugs my dear friend!
G

ET @ Titus2:3-5 said...

Lysa TerKeurst wrote a post today that I think will speak to you heart, my friend.

http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/2009/02/principles-office.html

Heidi said...

Awwww Shauna,
I'm sorry your morning went that way. That sucks!! Big time. There is nothing worse when you are taken away from something you have been anticipating and wanting to go to. As Tyler said, you are not alone. We have all had those moments. I know I've had plenty, yeesh...in this last week alone, I've been pms'ing and sick. What a whopper, I tell ya!! Anyhow love, I hope you are doing better. Call me, come over for coffee!!!
Love ya
H.

Barb said...

Shauna...I believe every mother has been in your position at least once since becoming a mommy....I know I have had many many times of feeling this way. I have shed so many tears..... and have felt like the worst mom ever, and I still have those days...but you know what you are not alone! And the best thing is it does get better and I really know that one day it will all pay off and those kids are going to thank us...
keep strong and keep your faith, you are an absolutely amazing woman and I know you are a fabulous mommy.... kids have bad days too and I think that is something none of us ever think about.